Friday, December 21, 2012

Last Minute Christmas Present Ideas

I'm sure many of you are last-minute Christmas shoppers, much like my own brother who is known for going shopping for all of us on the afternoon of Christmas Eve and somehow miraculously comes back with genuinely awesome gifts (enough of the time anyway), and since a couple of you Tweeted me @vixoen requesting suggestions, I thought I'd help anyone who is still looking for presents whether in town or online for siblings or a girl/boyfriend.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

"Have a Slutty Smutty Christmas"

This bastardized Christmas song is dedicated to all my slutastic readers. May every day be a slutty, smutty one. 

Have a slutty smutty Christmas
It’s the best time of the year
I don’t know if you'll go ho
but have a pint of beer

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Putting the XXX in Xmas Songs: "O Cum, All Ye Grateful"

Back in the olden days of OEN, I wrote dirty and satirical words to beloved Christmas songs because I'm an asshole like that. I keep meaning to dig through my archives and post some of them, but until then, there are plenty of others I have yet to bastardize with my dirty old man Santa ways. Hope there aren't too many easily offended Bible-humping readers out there. If so, kindly go fuck yourself on aforementioned "Good Book" and let me know how many times it made you gasp in pleasure. As for my beloved perverts, enjoy!

O cum, all ye grateful
Joyful and triumphant!
O cum ye, o cum ye to orga-a-sm
Cum and eat some pussy
Born the lord of vixens

Sunday, December 16, 2012


Each relationship, and each subsequent break-up, each near-miss of a promising future, it makes it that much harder to stay hopeful that I'm going to meet that amazing guy who will make all of this fucking bullshit be worth it. I'm sick of dating, of boyfriends and first dates and wondering if this time, maybe this time, the guy in front of me will be The One. I'm sick of all this fucking nonsense. I'm ready for my next boyfriend to be my last.

And then I go through another fucking break-up.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Whiskey Love

[Originally written October 2011, with some editing today. Inspired by a tweet that became the first sentence of this piece.]

3 a.m. Whiskey in a glass, face in my hands.

I'm here again. I've been here a lot lately. Fuck.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Blog Status

I've gotten a few emails and tweets regarding the status of my original blog at So here we go:

Why did it disappear? The company who was privately hosting my blog went out of business without telling me because the person who had set up our agreement had left a year earlier. Christ, it's like "Gossip Girl" meets "The I.T. Crowd."

Did you lose everything?? No, I have multiple wordpress backups from the original blog, minus the most recent posts before it disappeared into the blog blackhole. Even if those don't work, I have all the best posts saved on my computer. Meanwhile I'm looking for a cheap webhosting service that doesn't break my nearly broke bank account.

Why is it still gone? Because I got depressed, frustrated, and lazy. One of the many gripes my latest ex-boyfriend had with me was that I never got the blog back up in spite of his weekly pleas to do so.

And it STILL isn't up because...? The pain-in-the-ass factor. Ask me again when I've proven I can function for more than three days without booze or sex without going all bat-shit crazy.

What's the deal with this new blog? This blog hosted on blogspot is meant to be temporary until I can finally reinstate the old blog at the old site, at which time I will incorporate all posts from this one as well so they can all be in one place. At least that's the plan. I may need to hire an intern to figure it all out for me, in which case I will happily buy his illegal ass bottom-shelf liquor in exchange for his services.

Where do we go from here? Since many new readers discovered me on Twitter (heh, or as I like to call it, Twatter), after the old blog went down, I thought it would be nice to include old posts from my archives on here for a taste of the old Vix. If you have requests for particular favorites of yours, then by all means, please post them in the comments.

Lastly, thank you to all my readers and followers for having stayed with me through so many ups and downs and WTFs over the years. I love all of you madly, minus the creepers. Unless you want to buy a pair of my worn panties in exchange for a mortgage payment, which I am totally fine with.


Tuesday, November 6, 2012

The Fairy Tale of the Girl Who Said Fuck This Shit

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Vix. She was kind of totally awesome. So many miles she traveled and fascinating characters she met, who always recalled her dressed as the friendly neighborhood vixen in a short skirt and high heels. People from all over the world gathered in the magical land of the blogosphere every morning to hear her stories of adventure, brazen behavior, and unlady-like dalliances. Ohhh how she adored sharing her tales! Everyone laughed and smiled and tinkled themselves in delight. Afterward they would ask Vix questions and share their own stories with each other, many becoming friends over time, for they all understood what it meant to be among such kind hearts.