Friday, December 21, 2012

Last Minute Christmas Present Ideas

I'm sure many of you are last-minute Christmas shoppers, much like my own brother who is known for going shopping for all of us on the afternoon of Christmas Eve and somehow miraculously comes back with genuinely awesome gifts (enough of the time anyway), and since a couple of you Tweeted me @vixoen requesting suggestions, I thought I'd help anyone who is still looking for presents whether in town or online for siblings or a girl/boyfriend.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

"Have a Slutty Smutty Christmas"

This bastardized Christmas song is dedicated to all my slutastic readers. May every day be a slutty, smutty one. 

Have a slutty smutty Christmas
It’s the best time of the year
I don’t know if you'll go ho
but have a pint of beer

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Putting the XXX in Xmas Songs: "O Cum, All Ye Grateful"

Back in the olden days of OEN, I wrote dirty and satirical words to beloved Christmas songs because I'm an asshole like that. I keep meaning to dig through my archives and post some of them, but until then, there are plenty of others I have yet to bastardize with my dirty old man Santa ways. Hope there aren't too many easily offended Bible-humping readers out there. If so, kindly go fuck yourself on aforementioned "Good Book" and let me know how many times it made you gasp in pleasure. As for my beloved perverts, enjoy!

O cum, all ye grateful
Joyful and triumphant!
O cum ye, o cum ye to orga-a-sm
Cum and eat some pussy
Born the lord of vixens

Sunday, December 16, 2012


Each relationship, and each subsequent break-up, each near-miss of a promising future, it makes it that much harder to stay hopeful that I'm going to meet that amazing guy who will make all of this fucking bullshit be worth it. I'm sick of dating, of boyfriends and first dates and wondering if this time, maybe this time, the guy in front of me will be The One. I'm sick of all this fucking nonsense. I'm ready for my next boyfriend to be my last.

And then I go through another fucking break-up.